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You Might Be A Redneck If
Your wife or mother has ever said,
"Come move this transmission
so I can take a bath."
You think a stock tip is
advice on worming' your hogs.If you refer to the fifth grade
as, "your senior year".
You can tell your age by the
number of rings in the bathtub.
You've been married three times
and still have the same in-laws.You think TACO BELL is
the Mexican Phone CompanyYou think Genitalia is an Italian airline.
You think Possum is
"The Other White Meat"You think a quarter horse is
a ride out in front of the Wal-Mart.You believe dual air bags refer
to your wife and mother-in-law.You know yer a redneck when you take a load to the dump
and bring back more than you took
You think loading the dishwasher
means getting your wife drunk.
YOU REFER TO THE TIME YOU WON
A FREE CASE OF MOTOR OIL AS
"THE DAY MY SHIP CAME IN."The FBI surrounded your trailer park
twice so far this year.You stare at an orange juice container
because it says, "CONCENTRATE".You think "taking out the trash"
means taking your in-laws to a movie.
You think a hot tub is
a stolen bathroom fixture.
The gas pedal on your car
is shaped like a bare foot.
The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.You think a turtleneck is
a key ingredient for soup.Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
That billboard that says,
"SAY NO TO CRACK"
reminds you to pull up your jeans.Your wife's hairdo was once ruined
by a ceiling fan.You go to your family reunion
looking for a date.You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
